Smack Zone — Smack Talk

In yet another example of ground-breaking journalism, Smack Zone staffers risked life and limb to attain this enlightening page from the Steve Sarkisian playbook.[/caption] Look, we don't want to make light of a man's alcohol problem. And clearly, Southern Cal football coach Steve Sarkisian has a very real alcohol problem. But we here in the Smack Zone central office take our public service role seriously. So, when our enterprising editorial staff acquired a top secret page from Sarkisian's playbook, we felt it was in the interest of Trojans and other college football fans throughout the land that we share this enlightening information. We wish Coach Sarkisian a long, healthy, happy recovery during his enforced, indefinite leave of absence. We also wish to offer the USC Trojans a sober wish of ... well, sobriety under interim coach Clay Helton.

It's preseason still in the NBA, man. Why would Chicago Bulls guard Jimmy Butler even bother trying to stop a dude from sailing coast-to-coast after a silly steal? But bother Butler did, and now he's part of Bucks' forward Khris Middleton's Dunk-a-Rama Poster Set, soon to be available in fine retail outlets throughout the greater Milwaukee area. Or just in Butler's future nightmares. Enjoy a little preseason posterization, ballers. It's almost time for the association to resume business. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2_ZFILRc94]  

[caption id="attachment_1263" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Smack Apparel illustration: Steve Hill.[/caption] We're not going to take sides, here. Stephen A. Smith really did nothing wrong when it came to reporting the "news" that Kevin Durant might -- or might not -- go to the Lakers if he can't work out a deal with Oklahoma City. But ... um. Then it got weird. And Stephen A. did what Stephen A. does ... he let his mouth run off and do its own thing. Which, in this case, was captured perfectly in a Deadspin piece from yesterday: Stephen A. Smith Delivers Movie Villain Monologue on First Take.  

By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone Contributor Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of months, you’ve seen all the commercials for FanDuel and Draft Kings. How could you not, they are only played about 23 hours and 59 minutes a day! Yesterday came word that an employee of Draft Kings won more than $300,000 on FanDuel. Nothing wrong with that. However, that employee used inside information not available to the public to pick his team. Everything wrong with that. Now, both sites have made it a rule that no employee is allowed to partake in the fun of daily fantasy sports. That makes perfect sense. It’s a bit surprising that this is the first we have heard of this going on. While gambling is “illegal” in almost every state, somehow the NFL partners with these sites that allow … wait for it … gambling. Daily fantasy during the NFL season is fun. I play using FanDuel and it allows for much more creativity than your regular fantasy team. Every week, you pick a lineup using a $60,000 salary cap. You guess who will have the best games that week. The key is finding cheap players who will have career games that week. There are tons of $1, $2 and $5 leagues with 100 other people that can win you a few hundred dollars. There are also bigger promotion leagues in the same price range with over 200,000 entries that you can win over $100,000 thousand. This is why these sites are so popular right now: Any given week you can win a lot of money. But don’t bet on winning in the large promotional leagues; that is (or was) a privilege reserved for the employees of FanDuel and Draft Kings. All that said, one great way to win some sweet Smack Apparel merchandise is to enter and win the weekly football picks contest. It is LIVE NOW, and the weekly winner gets three (3) Smack Apparel shirts, while the runner-up gets one. Go register at CONTEST.SMACKAPPAREL.COM and make your picks. DO IT. We promise no Smack Apparel employee will snake the victory away from you.

New Smack Zone contributor and Dolphins fan Mike Julianelle WAS going to write about how much it sucks to get up and watch a crappy team play a crappy game in crappy London. Then Joe Philbin got fired, and all was right with Mike's world. Sort of. Here's what he wrote instead: By Mike Julianelle, Smack Zone Contributor It’s a sad day when you start rooting for your team to lose just so they’ll fire their coach. As a Dolphins fan, that’s what I was doing Sunday morning. And at the end of last season. And the end of the 2013 season. And when Cam Cameron was the coach. And when Dave Wannstedt was the coach … But hey, at least Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Jets (there’s no other kind of loss to the Jets) was good for something: The Dolphins finally fired Joe Philbin! And only 10-to-22 months too late! Let’s ignore the fact that 2015 was a wasted season as soon he wasn’t fired in January, regardless of the flashy Suh signing and subsequent preseason buzz. And let’s ignore the fact that even if interim head coach Dan Campbell lights a fire under the team and fires off a few wins, the odds that they can overcome two division losses and a 3-0 (probably 4-0) Patriots head start and somehow win the division are basically, laughably ZERO, and the odds that they can secure a wildcard berth are slim-to-none. Not at 1-3, with a patchwork offensive line, a decimated secondary, no linebackers, an inability/unwillingness to run the ball, and a quarterback who can’t throw a deep ball or an end zone fade to save his life and an owner who doesn’t have much of a backbone or any knowledge of football and somehow I’m not even referring to part-owner Gloria Estefan. [caption id="attachment_1243" align="alignleft" width="300"] If Joe Philbin was in charge of an actual dolphin show. Image: Giphy.[/caption] Instead let’s rejoice and ignore the fact that now we have to wait another four months before they hire a new head coach and another six months before the optimism of draft season dawns and another 10 months before the 2016 season starts and another sixteen months before we get depressed again. Today, they finally did something right! Mike Julianelle lives somewhere in New Jersey (we think; maybe it's Staten Island) and publishes the "anti-parenting" blog, Dad and Buried. He also writes for something called Huffington Post, whatever the hell that is. He's a long-time Dolphins fan for some reason.