Smack Zone

That face you make when you're back in the playoffs. #PhotoOfTheNight pic.twitter.com/9IA3SnkTNF

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 2, 2015

Is there anything in sports more fleeting than the thrill of a post-clinch celebration in baseball? The players deserve it. That's for damn sure. Baseball season is ridiculously long, ridiculously grueling. It's a lifetime of frustration and heartache and sleepless nights and general bullshittery compacted into a horrible, emotionally draining six-month period. That's how it is for the WINNING teams. So, sure. When you clinch that playoff check, go crazy. Let the beer and champagne flow. This game's fun. Let's have fun out here, OK? It's fun, God dammit. Just understand this: Pretty soon, almost every one of you will be crying into that beer. Or, if not crying, punching the hell out of your locker after you get your asses run out of the playoffs just. Like. That. It's quick, man. One minute, you're on top of the baseball world. Just look at A-Rod in that embedded SportsCenter tweet up there. Doesn't he look happy? Doesn't he look cold? Well, pretty soon, chances are he and his Yankees teammates will not be happy. And they won't be cold, because they'll be on vacation on some beach somewhere in Mexico or the Caribbean. Or Hawaii. Vegas, maybe. Wherever. Where they won't be is in the World Series, probably. Because that? That is hard. Only one team will get to throw that party in early November or late October or Christmas, or whenever the hell the World Series ends these days. That's next week's bad news, though. Today is for the happy. Let's give these guys room to celebrate, if only for a little while. Here, then, is a compendium of post-clinch celebrations so far. We still have two more coming, because someone is going to win the AL West, and someone is going to clinch the second AL wildcard. Here's what we've got going into the weekend, though. It will have to suffice for most of them. Who do you think did it best this year? Mets, NL East: Michael Conforto's celebration POV is epic on Deadspin. Cardinals, NL Central: Just like St. Louis, the Cardinals celebrate NIIIIICE. Dodgers, NL West: L.A. got to rub it into the World Series champions and HATED rivals, the Giants, by clinching and celebrating in San Francisco. Doesn't get much sweeter. Cubs, NL wildcard: With Jake Arrieta pitching against the Pirates in the wildcard play-in game, we get the feeling the Cubs will live to celebrate once more. Pirates, NL wildcard: We are family! (For one more game only. Sorry, Buccos. Two words: Jake. Joe. Two more words: Good. Bye.) Royals, AL Central: Party like it's 1985! Blue Jays, AL East: Good party, eh? Munenori Kawasaki thought so. Yankees, AL wildcard: Yay. We won.      

[caption id="attachment_1209" align="alignright" width="300"] Little-known fact: In 1978, Bill Parcells helped shape young military minds as the head coach of the falconing team at the Air Force Academy.[/caption] By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone Contributor The Giants meet the Bills Sunday in Buffalo. Twenty-five years ago, these two teams squared off in Tampa for an epic Super Bowl XXV. We hear Scott Norwood still can’t find a house anywhere in Buffalo. With the game this weekend, we thought it would be fun to stroll down memory lane and take a look at the career of Bill Parcells and his historical impact on pro football.

1. The Big Tuna -- if this isn’t the best nickname in football, we don’t know what is. He received this name while he was on the staff with the Patriots, because, well ... he had the shape of a tuna. The nickname has stuck ever since, and has become a household name over the years.

2. Gatorade bath -- when a team wins a big game, either a championship or a massive come from behind win, the players usually dump the Gatorade cooler all over their coach. Bill Parcells was the very first coach to have that happen (yes, we know some claim that Mike Ditka was first in 1984, but we choose to believe that Parcells got it first a few weeks before that. Besides, Harry Carson made it famous two years later, so Tuna owns it). Clearly, Parcells is the ultimate trend setter for coaches. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtODeVwJ0XY] 3. Legendary coaching tree -- Parcells recruited so many great coaches under him, many are now head coaches in the NFL. The tree includes Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Sean Payton, Todd Bowles and Mike Zimmer. Belichick, Coughlin and Payton have all won Super Bowls as head coaches. If it weren’t for Parcells, Belichick might not even know how to spy or oversee the proper deflation of footballs. [caption id="attachment_1213" align="alignleft" width="283"] Parcells celebrates victory in Tampa at Super Bowl XXV.[/caption] 4. Impact of a team he never coached -- we all know the effect he had on the Giants, Patriots, Jets and Cowboys. But what about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? He had an agreement to become their coach in 1992, but then decided it wasn’t right for him. Although Tampa has won a Super Bowl since, this franchise has mostly been at the bottom of the league. Who knows where they would be right now if the Big Tuna decided to make landfall in the Bay area? (Oh, and bonus what if: Remember when Payton was suspended for that whole Saints season after Bountygate? Guess who he wanted to coach the team in his absence. Yep. Tuna.)

[caption id="attachment_1204" align="aligncenter" width="800"] We can't decide. You?[/caption] Meh. It's probably six of one, half-a-dozen of the other. While you contemplate the implications, why not give our weekly football picks contest a try? Enter for a chance to win Smack Apparel merch. Click here to register and record your picks.

OK, it’s soccer. It’s the MLS. WHO CARES, right? Well, if Orlando City owner Flavio Augusto Da Silva has his way, a great many humans will care a great deal soon. A very great many humans. And a very great deal. Mr. Da Silva told the Spanish-language, Real Madrid-focused publication Marca that … (Hang on. Bear with us. This is tough to even think about, let alone write. It’s so damn ludicrous.) Da Silva, who already signed Brazilian semi-retiree Kaka this past season, now has his sights set on … (No, really. We thought this was from Onion Sports when we saw it. It’s THAT freaking ridiculous.) Cristiano Ronaldo. [caption id="attachment_1195" align="aligncenter" width="474"] I am Cristiano. Everybody who is not Cristiano sucks. That is right. You, too. Yes, you. You suck. Because you are not Cristiano. Only I am Cristiano.[/caption] “Hopefully, we can sign him for this upcoming season,” Da Silva told Marca. “We’ve always heard that he’d like to come to the United States to play.” In other transfer news, we’re hearing the Laredo Lemurs, defending champions of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball, are trying to work a deal for Mike Trout. [caption id="attachment_1196" align="alignleft" width="261"] Where else are you going to see a Laredo Lemurs logo today? And it's on a post about Cristiano Ronaldo. Life, man. You just never know.[/caption] Also? The CFL’s Montreal Alouettes are all hot-n-bothered with Tom Brady and will submit a transfer bid to New England in January. Oh, and the Manchester Magic of the English Professional Basketball League? Yep. They want Lebron. All right. Let’s say Da Silva isn’t living in a dream world. After all, David Beckham came to America and blah blah blah. It’s SOCCER! WHO CARES?? WHY ARE WE EVEN WRITING THIS?? Still, though. What if Da Silva really believes what he’s saying and he’s not just having a go at the good people of Madrid? Let’s figure out what it might take to get the best soccer player of the 21^st century into Orlando City purple next season. A cash bid would start – start – at $100 million. That’s just to buy the right to negotiate a contract with Ronaldo. That’s pocket change for Real Madrid, which splashed out far more than that for former Tottenham Hotspur winger Gareth Bale two years ago. But, as we say, $100 million is just a start. We’re thinking Da Silva will need to sweeten the deal. Let’s throw in, we don’t know … lifetime passes to Walt Disney World for every Real Madrid season ticket holder? Oh, and instead of Orlando City, the team will now be called Ronaldo City. In fact, the city of Orlando will now be called the city of Ronaldo. OK, that’s the transfer fee settled. Now, about Cristiano’s salary … NOPE. That’s all we’re writing about soccer for today. What time do Pittsburgh and Baltimore kick off?

[caption id="attachment_1132" align="alignright" width="289"] Before Steelers fans hated the Ravens, they hated the Browns. They left Cleveland long ago, but the hatred runs deeper than ever.[/caption] By Bob D'Angelo, Smack Zone Contributor You know sparks will fly when the Steelers and Ravens meet tonight at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. It’s a tradition between these AFC North rivals. Sure, some players and teams talk smack, but these two teams back it up. Hard-hitting, tough and intense. Plus, the Steelers and Ravens clearly don’t like each other. “It's just pure hatred – just like two old-fashioned bullies meeting in an alley,” former Steelers receiver Hines Ward told USA Today. There may be hatred, but there is plenty of respect. “It’s the best rivalry in football,” Baltimore’s Terrell Suggs told USA Today in the same article. “Hatred is a very strong word, but it seems fitting. “But there’s a lot of respect going there. Because the two teams are so similar.” [caption id="attachment_1188" align="alignleft" width="296"] The Ravens carved their own identity in Baltimore when they bolted from Cleveland. But tradition and history run deep, and hatred of Pittsburgh remains a franchise constant.[/caption] Since 2000, the Ravens have won two Super Bowls and reached the playoffs 10 times. The Steelers have won two Super Bowls and have made nine playoff appearances. In their own division, the two rivals have combined to win the AFC North 10 times in the 13 years since the NFL established its current alignment. Pittsburgh and Baltimore have met four times in the postseason, with the Steelers winning three times. The Ravens finally broke through in January 2015, winning 30-17. Here are some of the greatest hits from this intense rivalry: In the AFC Championship Game on January 18, 2009, Steelers safety Ryan Clark put a crunching, legal hit on Willis McGahee. The Ravens’ running back had just caught a pass from quarterback Joe Flacco, but Clark knocked McGahee unconscious. The Steelers punched a ticket to the Super Bowl in Tampa with a 23-14 victory.

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On November 5, 2007, the Steelers romped to a 38-7 victory. Ward leveled Ed Reed with a huge block, knocking the Ravens safety out of the game. Ward also flattened linebacker Bart Scott, who said after the game that he wanted to “kill” the Steelers’ receiver.

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[caption id="attachment_1189" align="alignright" width="230"] In Pittsburgh, everything purple is anathema. In fact, purple is outlawed. (Or should be.)[/caption] Suggs has sacked Steelers quarterback Ben Roethisberger 16½ times, more than any other player in the league. Days before the Ravens beat the Steelers 23-20 on November 6, 2011, Suggs conceded that Roethlisberger was a great quarterback. But … “God can have his soul,” Suggs said. “But his (butt) belongs to me.”

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During the Steelers’ 13-10 victory on December 5, 2010, Ravens defensive tackle Haloti Ngata broke Roethlisberger’s nose during a sack. Big Ben had to walk off the field, using a towel to stop the bleeding.

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During the Steelers’ 23-20 overtime win on September 29, 2008, Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis hit Rashard Mendenhall so hard, the rookie running back suffered a season-ending broken shoulder. A few weeks later on Atlanta’s “2 Live Stews” radio show, Suggs suggested the Ravens had a bounty on Ward and Mendenhall. But he backed off that boast, claiming it was a joke.

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Even the coaches have gotten into the act. The Steelers’ Mike Tomlin was fined $100,000 for his actions in a November 2013 game. Tomlin drifted onto the field during Jacoby Jones’ kickoff return that had touchdown written all over it.  Jones had to slow down and veer away from the sideline and was tackled. But the Ravens won 22-20, thwarting a Steelers’ two-point conversion in the final minute.

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Harbaugh didn't endear himself to Tomlin in the 2011 season opener. Baltimore scored 21 seconds into the second half to take a 27-7 lead, then ran a fake on the extra point. Holder Sam Koch scored on the two-point conversion to make it 29-7. The Ravens went on to win, 35-7.

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There was a contentious handshake that was captured on video in 2012, with Baltimore’s John Harbaugh trying to congratulate his counterpart. Tomlin tried to brush it off, but Harbaugh grabbed his hand and tugged hard, bringing him back to say something face to face. Tomlin then walked away. The back story on that was a locker room clip of Harbaugh praising his team after its 13-10 win at Heinz Field on November 18, 2012. “The toughest team won that football game. The mentally tough team won that football game,” Harbaugh said. “The better team won the football game. “The team that knows how to win won that football game.” Typical locker room stuff, but Tomlin didn’t like it. So when the Steelers ended the Ravens’ 15-game home winning streak a few weeks later, he was in no mood for handshakes and pats on the shoulder. Both coaches have insisted there is nothing personal between them. [caption id="attachment_1190" align="alignleft" width="252"] This pretty much sums it up for Baltimore re. the Steelers.[/caption] “Not personally, but professionally, he wants the same things that I want,” Tomlin said in January before the teams’ last playoff game. “He appears to be similarly as committed to it as I am, so we’re going to have problems. “He’s a good guy, but when we step into the stadium, we’ve got business, and that business is not the same.” Harbaugh agreed. “We have a little fun together,” Harbaugh told NBC’s Bob Costas. “We go to the owners meetings and laugh a little bit, but in the end we do want the same thing.” Both coaches preach hard-nosed football, and neither team will back down. With Roethlisberger out for several weeks after suffering a sprained MCL in his left knee last Sunday, he will be replaced by Michael Vick. That will create an interesting twist for tonight’s game -- Vick's mobility against an aggressive Ravens defense. It's likely to create a new chapter in the rivalry, particularly if Vick shines.